An Earthquake Shakes Britain!

Britain was shaken by a huge earth tremor at 12.56am yesterday morning. Apparently, this is the first earthquake to hit Britain since 1984. The epicentre of the tremor, measured 5.3 on the Richter scale according to the British Geological Survey, was centred on the village of Holton cum Beckering, about 15 miles northeast of Lincoln. Luckily, no injuries were reported.
Some disturbing news for British people, without a doubt!

I have been entertaining some crazy (very mean!) thoughts ever since hearing the news:

1- If Britain was a target of shaky earth-quaky activities; would that mean that it’s very likely that Britain will start receiving humanitarian aid to support the British families during crisis. A la the aids usually carried out by the British themselves abroad! Some people from across the globe will be sitting watching their Tele (with or without a cup of tea), and really feeling sorry for the Brits’ suffering!

2- Why the biggest British Geological Survey Centre is located in Edinburgh is beyond me! Usually, very important centres and vital corporations are mainly based in England. Will this sudden turn of earth-quaky events mean that this VITAL centre will be shipped (Via Royal Mail) down south? Some serious funding might as well be pouring into the hands of geoscience researchers. Eventually, a centre dedicated for the study of seismographic activities would come in more “handy”!

3- The British have been “Cool” for so many years, this is the very first time I heard that they actually took to the streets. They’re usually too drunk to be concerned. The politics, the muddles, the ripping-off prices and taxes, never shock them a bit. May be its high time they sober-up, and ditch the pints, and the apathetic mentality for a change!

4- Will the End of British lands be a consequence of earthquakes that will sink the British aisles to the bottom of the sea (a la the great ATLANTIS), defying all odds and predictions of sea levels rising; global warming and the such. Richard Branson and Al Gore will be really crossed!

5- The poor pensioners and tax-payers will be gutted over a traumatizing new worry: Earthquake Insurance! Moneysupermarket.com will be celebrating new profits for sure.

Glasgow Neds

When I first arrived in Glasgow I used to watch the Glaswegian youth naively and marvel on how fashion-conscious they really were. The trendiest tracksuits; the Burberry caps; the expensive trainers…etc. Never had it occurred to me that their costumes would be indications of any gang memberships. I had never heard the word Ned or Chav before. For me, they were just a bunch of cool teenagers hanging out with their pals, nothing more, no harm done.

Of course, a couple of years later, this image of trendy youths, in sports costumes and fake Burberry, would only acquire pity and disrepute from me, and I would refer to them as neds in my conversations, wherever possible, not that they would care! In fact that would make them stupidly proud, it’s the same as having an ASBO; it’s a badge of honour for a Glaswegian teenager, it would only mean that they’re popular and cool. As a matter of fact, in the midst of this stupidity culture, being smart, or at least trying to, would only isolate people as if they had caught an infectious disease. People will bully them, hate them and mistreat them. Smart and cool don’t go together in the Glaswegian youth mind-set, being sensible, respecting the system, are offensive crimes in the hidden laws of Ned-hood!

It is really sad to watch these youths wasting the best years of their lives, getting ASBOs and getting stabbed. Deluded from the decency of the innocent life they should have, sleep-walking into a horrible future, as drug addicts or teenage parents. Stereotypes of the majority of the British youth these days.
I was watching a program called dispatches on Channel 4 the other day, it was entitled “why kids kill?”, and if you thought the title was horrendous, you should’ve watched the content; it was dreadful; nauseating and revolting! Basically, it tried to explain why kids join gangs, and most of the kids interviewed argued that they needed to protect their territory against kids from other areas. It was really appalling: the kids were applying the rules of the jungle, as if they were animal tribes having a natural propensity towards aggression and violence; as if this was essential for their survival! Vivre la liberte! Hurray for the British democracy and liberation! And farewell to all the moral values!